Christmas Poem 2023 — Low Expectations

Happy holidays, everyone! Holidays are difficult for some of us. And SOME of us use those dreaded holidays to write silly poems, as a distraction. So here goes:

As I knead my cookie dough to make delightful treats Gingerbread and gingersnaps and more such festive feats Each one oh-so-jolly with it’s sprinkles, candy, frosting Painstakingly shaped, be DAMNED the energy it’s costing But then - surprise! With heart rate rised, I need to take a break And pretty soon, with kitchen hot, my POTS says “we can’t bake.” But wise and gray, I know the way to pre-empt all frustration I laugh it off and scoff ‘cause I had LOW expectations

And as I hang those outdoor lights (be careful on that ladder!) I’ve carefully beset each one, enduring teeth a-chatter Proud to make a monument to twinkling Christmas cheer Our house alight for landing by those famous 8 reindoor And though they look just perfect in their twinkling green and red We plug it in just 3 days hence: the lights have all gone dead But me, I’m not downtrodden; no, I’ve lost no inspiration I KNEW that this would happen, thanks to LOW expectations!

Then as I wrap up presents in nice paper, ribbon, bows Trying to make each one great, a masterpiece to show With red and golden sparkles, plus an accent of deep green Anticipating squeals of joy when these delights are seen But dizziness is setting in and wrapping goes askew Each rushed wrap a bit more crap as feet are turning blue But magnanimity doth reign and save the situation I’m not bumming (You saw this coming!) due to LOW expectations

I pull that grand soufflé out from the oven (It’s a coup!) My toil and work was worth it — it’s a gourmet dream come true But wait—oh no— I spilled some dough, and now I’m smelling smoke No problem, got the the fire blanket in one masterstroke But late I am, for smoke alarm is screaming - ruining naps On it goes, oh no, soufflé, of course is in collapse. But I won't pout or moan or groan or show much agitation I was smart, embraced the art of LOW expectations

Then there was the party, such an annual delight _Plans to meet with friends and mingle; jingle through the night Dress picked out and shoes layed out, a hostess gift prepared A blessed time to celebrate another year we shared But as I prepped and washed my hair, the shower started to spin I sat down quick and didn’t faint, but therein ended my win Down for the count, unable to stand, a pain upon the chest, POTS said, “let’s stay in tonight, you know that that is best.” And though I almost cursed and cried to miss the jubilation I took it in stride, smiled and sighed, armed with LOW expectations

Now, why, you ask, would I bring up such pessimistic gloom? Shouldn’t we avoid thinking of fails, flails and doom? Well, I would say, the reason is for us to well prepare For imperfections imminent, whenever we most care And lesson learned from past years tears and holiday vexations Suggest there is an antidote: LOW expectations

Don’t be surprised when your fatigue chooses the worst time to hit Don’t be surprised when pain comes nigh, and robs you of your wit Anticipate that cocktail — though just a tiny swallow Will slam you, try to damn you, to some misery to follow Expect the palpitations as you’re standing in the checkout Expect your vision blurry as you try to get the heck out Anticipate some days in bed, as payment for your outings Days of pain, fatigue, regret may come, there is no doubting The holidays are full of ways our health can get affected But feeling bad is much less sad, if you at least expect it.

Chronic pain and illness won’t just give you the month off extra fun of holidays will come with major trade-offs But don’t you let it beat you down or leave you slumped and weeping You can still enjoy the toys and festive lords a’leaping As you do these festive things, please promise me one thing It’s just a small adjustment to the Yule-tide reveling Anticipate misfortune - ‘cause when you least expect it Murphys Law will always reign; we might as well respect it So practice that one golden rule of holidays and vacations: Protect yourself; stay merry with some VERY low expectations!

OK, that’s all for now. We are sending all our best wishes to you this season. Take good care of yourself, thanks for listening, remember you’re not alone, and please join us again soon.